You made me cry and you don't even care
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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