my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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