WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
