My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
