you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
