so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are a genius and a whore.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
