A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
