Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
