i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
