I just pynch a tree in the face
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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