when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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