btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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