Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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