fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize