The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
