wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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