Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
