The maid of honor just puked.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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