omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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