God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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