I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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