You're completely useless in the revolution.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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