Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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