And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
