It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
