exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
