she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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