what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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