Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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