There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
