I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize