I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
