Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
