While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
