yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
