you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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