I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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