Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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