did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
