Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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