i permit you to call me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
