What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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