I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
