I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
