You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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