OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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