I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
