Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
