The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
