sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
