He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
