Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize