He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
