Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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