I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
