It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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