alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
