You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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