theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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