I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
