Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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