So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pop tarts are not kleenex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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