No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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