Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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