its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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