I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
