When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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