dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
