remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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