he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
