He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
