I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
