I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize