the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
