Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
