Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my sisters under your porch take her home
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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